Woa, woa, woa! Just finished watching the finale of CSI Season V. I'm going to give it 2 thumbs' up! No, no... Not enough.. 3 thumbs' up! No, no.. Everybody's thumbs up!!

It was a superb storyline. In a nutshell, Nick, one of the CSIs, was kidnapped and buried in a glass coffin, with only some lightsticks and a gun (in case he couldn't take it anymore). A videocamera was inserted to show Nick to his CSI friends through a website. After Grissom gave the ransom money, the kidnapper blew himself up. With almost no clues to work on, his friends could do nothing but helplessly watch Nick struggle in his coffin.

Hours passed, no help arrived for Nick. One by one, terrible things occured. Hunger, breathless, glass-coffin cracks, time running out before coffin collapses and he would truly be buried alive. Ants started to creep in and eat him alive. His greatest fear is not knowing whether he can escape death.

I've learnt something thro this. Life is like that, isn't it? Not knowing. Not knowing what tm will bring, not knowing what our future will be like. I think that is Man's greatest fear. Uncertainty, not knowing, helplessness.

But Nick didn't give up fighting. He could have used the gun and ended his suffering and life. But he didn't. He firmly believed that his friends will find him. He had faith in them. True enough, his friends found him in the end and saved him.

Lkewise, we shouldn't give up in life. When things look helpless and hopeless, we shouldn't give up cos there is Someone we can put our faith in. He will find us and bring us to safety. There is no doubt He will rescue us. No doubt about that. It is just a matter of time. So don't give up. Help and hope will arrive.

It's official. I've lost hope in humankind.

Incidents throughout the week had repeatedly showed me the ugly side of humans. After each incident, I was hoping to see the good side, but poof! Nope. No good incidents.

Let me just list out some of the uglier incidents and please see for yourself if I should indeed be saddened.

1) On Monday, I had a Science lecture. In this lecture, we were to take attendance. Usually, the lecturer would pass the attendance list round the lecture hall of hundreds of people to sign. But today, the lecture required lots of jotting of notes. So as everyone was busy copying, not much of passing and signing of attendance was done. So by the end of the lecture, not everyone had signed. The lecturer asked who was holding onto the list and asked her to bring it to the front. From there, he would separate the list into the various tutorial groups and all we had to do was just look for our own gp's list and sign attendance. Then we can go off.

• And then, something that surprised me happened. The girl holding the list was about to go down, when 3 to 4 people start swarming around her. They took the attendance list and signed. And then they could leave the lecture hall. Some people seeing that, followed suit. Started swarming around that part, pushing their way through to get their hands on that list.
• But my frens and I just sat there, looking at how dangerous this was. There were many others like us who just stayed in our seats, watching. Our lecture hall had many steps in it. While these people were pushing, I was so afraid that someone might just roll down the stairs. Our lecturer was not pleased. He asked for the list to be brought down to the front many many times. But no one did. These people, they swarmed to the list like bees to honey, fought their way through to get the list while balancing themselves on the steps, signed on the list and happily gathered their bags and off they went.
• I think the ratio of those selfish people to the people who had to wait their turn and stayed in their seats was 1:1. Seriously, I think the lecturer's method was faster; someone take the list, bring it to the front, separate the list into the different groups, u look for ur gp's, sign, and go off! Everyone can leave at around the same time. But no! These people had to fight for the list cos they wanted to leave the hall faster than the others. Selfish, selfish, selfish! A person sitting behind me shouted out 'Typical Singaporeans!'
• Then someone grabbed the list and passed it to the lecturer. He separated the list and told us to go down. I thought that was the end of the ugliness but no.
• We lined up for our turn to sign the list. I was wondering what took the people in front so long. All they had to do was, find their gp's list, sign and go. There were 12 groups. So 12 people could do it at the same time, instead of just now where only 1 person is signing. Then I saw what this girl in front of me was doing. She belonged to Gp 4. She took up a list and saw that it was not her gp's. But instead of putting it back, so those in that gp can find it and sign, she held on to it. Then she took another list, saw it was not her gp's, held on to that list again. Soon, she had 5 lists in her hand while those people who belonged to that 5 gps couldn't find their lists and got worried. I couldn't stand it, I told the girl off. I mean how selfish can people get!! I had enough of humankind that day. I didn't expect to see it in the future teachers of Singapore!

2) On Tuesday, I had a 830am lesson in school. When I stayed in Hall 1, I would leave my room at 815am to go to school and I would not be late. But seeing that I am now staying in Hall5, which is 2 more bus stops away, I try to reach the bus stop at 810am. From here, I can take 2 buses. But I prefer taking Bus C.

• So, this Tuesday morning, I wanted to take Bus C. Just a minute after I reached the bus stop, at 812am, the bus came. But the bus driver didnt stop cos the bus was full up to the door step. Shoot, I told myself, I'm going to be late. Cos the frequency of the shuttle buses are quite bad.
• As I glanced up at the bus, I saw that there was a lot of space at the back of the bus!! I even saw 2 empty seats! But I think the bus driver didnt see that in his mirror so he thought it was full. How selfish can these people, who refused to move to the back, be?! People were cramped like sardines in front and people couldnt get on the bus! And they can still look out of the window and look at us stranded at the bus stop. Hello, people! We missed the bus and are going to be late cos of you!
• I mean, if it was the aunties and uncles in public buses who did the same thing, refusing to move to the back of the bus, I can slightly understd (not that I approve of it). They were afraid they might miss their bus stops cos no one alights there and by the time they walk from their seats to the door, the bus driver would have moved on.
• But at all the bus stops at NTU and NIE, there are always people alighting at each stop. Many people, in fact. So why refuse to move to the back?! Inconsiderate people, that's why! I mean if this happens only that day, maybe there was some special reason, got urine or shit or water on those 2 seats or something (but those 2 seats were quite farther apart) and people shun them, fine. Okie. But the exact thing happened again on Wednesday. I had another 830 lesson. Same thing, bus not full, people in front cramped like sardines, but driver move on cos he thought it was full, a lot of space at the back. Selfish, selfish, selfish!!!! My goodness, these university people, might as well stop studying la. What's the point of studying so much but are so inconsiderate and selfish?

Suddenly thought of a question asked in the movie 'The Mexican', which was aired some time back. This man was asking Julia Roberts concerning her relationship with Brad Pitt in that show, "When two people are in a relationship, when do you come to the point where enough is enough?" The answer to in that movie was 'Never'. Is it really never?

When 2 people are together for many years, how do they keep the love running? Are they still together just because of habit?

Can people get so comfortable with their mate that they no longer care about their feelings?

How does one sustain a relationship?

Is there really a soul mate?

Is there really 'The One'?

Lawyer: How old is your son? The one living with you.
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
Witness: We both do.
Lawyer: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Lawyer: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.

Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.

Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Witness: I went to Europe, Sir.
Lawyer: And you took your new wife?

Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there any girls?

Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget things.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?

Watching CSI now. It is so awesome. The title of thoday's episode is "Who shot Sherlock Holmes?"

Many of you may not know, perhaps only my sister, I am a fan of Sherlock Holmes. I've read all his cases, not once, but many times. It is my wish to go visit the alleged home of Sherlock Holmes; 221B Baker Road, London.

Really love this episode. It is about Joe Bell who was completely obsessed with Sherlock Holmes, recreating the detective's study from 211B Baker Street in his house and eagerly taking on the role of Holmes at the society meetings. The obsession soon took a toll on his personal life, leaving him estranged from his wife and seven-year-old son. Bell's case is an intriguing one worthy of Holmes himself: he is found shot dead in the study he loved so much, apparently by his own hand. But the CSIs aren't ready to put the case down to a suicide just yet: there are many other clues to examine, such as evidence of drug use and ashes found on the floor near Bell's body.

Two main reasons why I love this episode:
1) It is CSI, a TV show I have been faithfully watching.
2) It's about Sherlock Holmes!! All the little details about him are on the show! His love for violin playing, his deer hat, his love for smoking tobacco on his pipe, his love for cocaine...And the best thing is, it is not only about him, but they bring on the characters created by Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock's author) for Sherlock Holmes. Dr Watson, who is Sherlock's best friend; Irene Adler, who is the only woman whom Sherlock admire and respect cos of her intelligence and Professor Moriarty, his arch enemy.

This episode rocks!! Sherlock rocks!!! Oh no.. commerical over.. time to watch the show!!

Today, after class, on our way to the bus stop, a fren, who is 21 years old this year, asked me a question. A very simple question but it completely rendered me speechless. She asked, "Do people our age, or even you, get depressed often?" Someone who always has something to say, the cat caught my tongue this time.

I told her, yes, I do. In fact, I am often depressed. I told her what a fren told me b4. This is what they call the 'quarter-life crisis'. As I reflect on this simple question, thinking of my frens, I realise that hey, it is so true. Most of my frens at this age are often complaining, depressed. Why is that so? Is it becos we r now adults, earning our own keep, trying to survive in this messed-up world, trying so darn hard to figure out what we r to do, no longer being protected by parents, relatives, teachers and adults? I dunno. When I was young, I was so looking forward to be an adult, to enjoy the freedom that comes with it. But now, I rather be a child again.

Why are we, people in their 20's, so darn depressed? Is it becos we dunno what our future may bring? Is it becos when we look at our future, instead of hope and dreams, we see darkness and storms? What can our future offer us? Not much in Singapore, I think.

• 0-18 years : studying
• 19-30 years : working; seeking life partner; get hitched; apply for flat; get married
• 30-40 years : have kids; maintaining marriage
• 40-65 years : work, work and more work
• 65-end : retirement; die

Gosh, nothing much to look forward to, huh? Or do you beg to differ? Pls do leave comments here. While I try to figure out how to add that tagboard here so we can talk better.

It's 2.42am in the morning. I couldn't sleep. Maybe it's the new environment. (Btw, I just moved into hall today.)

Decided to change my blog address as the friendster one kept giving me problems. Well, new school year, new hall, new blog, new start, new life.

Why new life, you may wonder. I've been living a God-less life these past few months. Dunno why, I just decided to put God out of my mind and thoughts and life. Maybe it was because of family problems, maybe it was because of some hurts and disappointments I see in Christians, maybe it was this messed-up world, maybe it was all of the above and they caused a chain reaction to make me stray away or backslide (I never thought I can backslide.)

Anyhow, this past week, God had been pulling me back. Or rather, He has always been drawing me back but I chose to ignore those tugs in my heart. A 17th-century French philosopher said there's a God-shaped vacuum in every human heart. I took God out of that vacuum a few months ago and I tried so hard in suppressing that longing. I tried to fill that void with so many things. But alas, I still felt empty, so very empty. Even though I tried to suppress or even deny that longing within me, it surfaced again and again. Starting this week, I began to start reading His word a little. Speak to Him a little. These are baby steps, but hey, at least I am advancing.

Today in church, as I stood for worship, I remembered what I shared with my DG pple before. "As I stood facing the worship team, it dawned on me that every week as I stand at this same spot, looking at the same stage, God is telling me that every week, He will always be there, a chance for me to reconcile with Him." This came back to me today. God is always waiting for us. When we feel down and low and far away from Him, guess who was the one who ran? As Eric led worship today, my heart was half there, half not there. Already so many tugs in my heart and yet for reasons I cannot comprehend, I chose to be stubborn. Then, something Eric said (or was it one part of the lyrics to a song) "I'm found in the desert." Yes, the desert is so big and dry and lifeless, just like this messed-up world. But hey, you know what, God found me. He found me. I am not lost.

Again, I remembered something I said in the past. During the latest mission trip, I shared with the youth in the Philippines "Each one of us are created for a reason. God is a very busy God, He has to take care of so many so many things. Making sure that the Sun always rises at sunrise and sets at sunset, that different flowers bloom at certain times, answering the zillions of prayers, yet, He took the time to make you and I. When He made us, it was not for fun or just for the sake of it. When He made us, He is commiting Himself to take care of us as long as we live. He knows that we will break His heart many many times. He knows that even though we promise to love and serve Him, we will still fall short. But hey, He still made us, regardless of that. He is willing to bear with all our nonsense cos of one simple reason. He loves us.He Himself is love, for God is love. He cannot dun love! For His very nature is love. Nothing we can do can make Him love us any less, nothing we can do can make Him love us any more."

I want to love You again, Lord. I was lost but now am found. I know now that for me to live without You is a lie, a very big lie.