What's life like without God?

I have come to experience it in the last few months. I am not saying that I have totally renounced God from my life. I am not saying that I am ignoring His very existence. What I am saying is that for the past few months, I had not let Him take His rightful place in my life.

For the past few months, I had been rebellious. I had been deaf and blind. I had been stubborn. I had ignored God's promptings. I must have grieved His heart.

I can just picture it. There I was, living my life my way. And there He was, waving and beaconing to me. I heard Him. I smiled at Him and even waved. But then I went back to what I was doing before. He called again. I waved again. The cycle repeats but with each time, my smiles and waves got lesser. I was beginning to ignore His voice. I tried to face Him but I realised that it's getting difficult. I cried every time I try to talk to Him.

Living my life my way. Was I happy? Truth be told, yes, but only for a very short while. I began to miss God. But like the prodigal son, I was afraid to face my Father. The conversations I had with Him got lesser and shorter. I got lost. I didn't know how to handle things anymore. I got anxious easily, angry easily. My temper was very short. I flared up easily. I got irritated easily. I have lost myself. Without God, I don't know who I am anymore.

This is how life is like without God. Lost.

And now, I want to come back. I want to go back to my Father's arms. And I know He is there, waiting with open arms. Last week in church, I heard Him say, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. My love for you is unending." The very next moment, I heard the worship leader said, "God has promised each and every one of us that never will He leave us; never will He forsake us."

Thank You, Father God. Thank You for Your unending love. Thank You for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank You for the little assurances that You bring through people and things to reassure me that You still love me and still want me. So here I am, Daddy God. Here I am, rededicating my life to You. May I see You each day again. May I allow You to take Your rightful place in my life again. Lord, I need You. I really do. And please don't let anyone tell me that I am not Your daughter, because the truth is, I am Your daughter and You are my Father. Help me to live my life Your way. I want to love You more each day, Lord.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen