Life in this Messed-up World

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

He spoke to Jing Er today AGAIN.

I know, at this moment of my life, God is training me, moulding me to be the person He has created me to be. There is no doubt on my mind that He is doing that right now. He has shown me so many, so many signs.

I've waited a lifetime for this. Finally. To experience the fulless of Him. To truly live my life for His glory.

But hey, the moulding process hurts very very very much.

To be filled with Him, first, He needs to remove the scum I stupidly filled myself with. He needs to dig out the things I don't need but has accumulated and kept in the inside of me. To do that, He needs to dig into my innermost part and get them out. It Hurts!

Then, He needs to remould the clay I am. Kneading and pounding. It Hurts!* (Inspired by 'The Teacup Story)

Then, the wheel; then, the oven; then, the fumes of the paint; then, the oven again. Hurts, hurts, hurts!!

And today, I can feel the effect of the moulding process. By the things I am facing today, I think He is removing the scum in me. Past memories, past failures crept in so much today that I can feel the physical pain in my chest.

But yet, how can I give up now? I know the process is still long. Maybe I am still a long way to go to become that person He has created me to be. But how can I give up now?

After knowing that He has rescued me from the pit, after knowing He loves me so much, after knowing He pursues me for so long, how can I give up now? I am on the right journey already. How can I give up?

Furthermore, I know it is worth it. I will see the fullness of God once I'm done. How can I trade that for anything else?!

And you know what, God doesn't just sit there and watch me 'suffer' at the wheel or oven. He feels my pain, He speaks to me gently, He comforts me, He cries with me. He doesn't leave me alone. And how do I know that? Cos I experienced that today. It's in the little things.

#1
My mind wondered to the deepest pit today again during class. Was feeling tight-chested again when suddenly my tutor said something that woke me up. "The PRIZE is worth the PRICE." Yes, Lord. Indeed. The prize is so much greater than what I am giving up (or rather, what I am forced to give up).

#2
For some reasons, I was alone in the library, studying. Depressed cos alone. Thoughts crept in again. Then, I looked at the sky and told God, "God, I am not alone right? How come I feel alone? If You want me to know that I am not alone, can You let someone sms me on my silent handphone?" 2 minutes later, Grace sms-ed me. 1 minute later, Juan sms-ed me. Though not specifically to give me the warm, fuzzy feeling of love, at least God sent those sms-es, just like what I asked.

#3
I asked God something. Not convenient to say what here. His answer came to me unexpectantly very strong and loud. Ashamedly, I doubted. Cos I dunno if it was just me or God. Went home, checked. Really as the voice said. I realised it was really His voice.

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.NIV

Psalm 147:33 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.NIV

Heb 13:5"Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you."NIV

Jer 29:11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.NIV

Psalms 30:11-1211 You turned my wailing into dancing;You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to You and not be silent.O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever. NIV

John 14:1818 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. NIV

Phil 3:8-9What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in HimNIV

1 Peter 5:77 Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.AMP

Rom 5:2-53 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.NIV

Matt 11:28-3028 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."NKJV

Heb 4:14 That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. NLT

Eph 1:3-64 For He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love 5 He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will-NIV

Will tomorrow hurt again as I am being moulded again? I don't know.

But one thing I know, Jesus will be with me.

5:09 PM