It's been a whole week of struggling and fighting with God and myself.

Spent my whole Sat seeking God, begging for forgiveness. Felt no comfort. Still a tight tug in my heart. As I was on my knees, a voice came to me "Are you asking Me for forgiveness or are you just trying to make yourself feel better?"

Stunned, cos in my heart, I knew I was trying to make that guilt in me go away. It was about me and not about God. It was about making me feel better, not asking God to have mercy on me. Then, a friend told me, "If you are asking for forgiveness, you have gotten it."

It was then that I knew I was forgiven but the guilt in me remained. I don't know how to make it go away. 'Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (James 4:17)'. This is the definition of sin. By this defintion, I have sinned. I sinned against the Lord. And sin separates me from God cos God is holy.

But He has not forsaken me. The wall is there cos of sin. Not cos He was angry with me or turned His face from me. I went to sleep, troubled, telling God I have to experience Him soon cos without it, well, life kinda sucks.

Today is Sunday. On the train, on the way to church, I was listening to my mp3. There was a line in Planet Shakers' "All I Want is You". This line became my heart's cry. "I'm desperate for Your touch. Never needed it so much." I told God that that is my heart's cry. I need Him to touch me. Then I went on to pray for today's service. That we C4 wants to be like Moses. We want to see His glory. Cos only in worship, we will meet Him face to face.

And then, service starts. So watcha think? Did God touch me?

Of cos He did. I mean, Jing Er, of all people should know that God hears and answers our prayers. I mean, if His children begs God their Father to show Himself to them, do you really think He will not do so?

Pastor Amos led worship. The impact of each song was like a ball of love hit me.

1st: "Blessed be Your name."
Good times, bad times, still I have to say blessed by His name. cos that's what He is. Blessed. Still great and wonderful. He gives and takes away. But my heart will choose to say 'blessed be Your name'.

2nd: "One Way"
With lyrics like that, how can I still doubt that God was touching me?
"I turn to You and You are always there. In troubled times it's You I seek."
"You are always, always there. Every how and everywhere. Your grace abounds so deeply within me. You will never ever change. Yesterday today the same. Forever till forever meets no end"

3rd: "You are so Faithful"
"Like the sun that rises everyday, You are so faithful."
Wana know why it impacted me? Read the bog entry before this. 'nuff said.

4th: "Through it All"
"You are forever in my life. You see me through the seasons."
He has never left.

5th: "I Simply Live for You"
Why this song impacted me? 2 reasons.
1) Cos it is my fave song of all. "You bind the broken hearted and You saved all my tears. By Your word, You set the captives free."
2) 'As the glory of Your presence now feels this place, In worship We will meet You face to face." My words in my prayer. God is telling me that His glory is shown to us C4. We meet Him face to face.

So, did God touch me?

Yes, very much so.

Thank You, Daddy God.